Little (very large) Rant on my Life + Teen Pregnancies

Hey, I haven't been on here in a long time. Lots of reasons for it, my life has been completely insane in the past year. Really, right now I just need to rant. A good, long, hard rant. This one is going to be about teen pregnancy and pretty much every aspect around it as well as everything that has been going on in my life. For those of you who read my blog and do not know this- I am 35 weeks pregnant right now. Yes, 17 and pregnant. My life has changed drastically in the past year or so. I went from living with my adoptive family, always was the “good girl”, had very high morals and beliefs, had good friends, all of that kind of stuff. Well in the past year I have left 'home', lost many people who I really cared about and deeply loved, I have been homeless living on the streets and in shelters with some very dangerous teenage guys, been through quite a few dangerous situations, lived with people I didn't know, moved from one province to another and back again, been in and out of school, when I found out I was pregnant I lost my job and the place I was renting, just insane things. I hate talking about it because I really don't like sounding negative. And really, that all sounds insanely negative, but it's not. I would never go back and change a single thing. Every little thing that has happened has made me who I am right now (and I like myself much better than I did before), and I believe that everything really does happen for a reason. I've learnt so much about myself, I've met some wonderful and amazing people, even through complete chaos I have been so blessed, and I have learnt who belongs in my life, who really doesn't, who truly loves and cares for me, and who never really did. Or at least now it seems that they never really did. Btw, if you're reading this, I'm sure you know EXACTLY who you are. Yes, I am still a strong Christian. I love the Lord with my whole heart, even more now than ever. I have been put into so many situations where I have been forced to trust him with every little thing in my life. Because of that, I find it much easier to just let things go and trust Him now. And I'm sure you all know that is not easy to do. We always want to take control of our own lives. Unfortunately, I can't do that. I've been forced to trust God and be completely dependant on him for all of my needs. Any ways, that's plenty about my life and I'm sure I'll end up ranting while I rant about other things. So to move on!

A note to other young woman:

If you are one of those girls that are trying to get pregnant, seriously, STOP IT. Not a smart move, at all. For one, pregnancy is not a fun thing. At all. I guess it could be at the right time, but at a young age, it's not fun. There are so many things to consider. Where are you going to end up living? How are you going to get income? Is that guy REALLY going to end up staying? Are you sure? Positive? Here's some things to think about. In the first year alone, raising a child can cost up to $10,000 or more. Where's that money going to come from? Trust me, in most places you can NOT count on the government and welfare for help. It is not that simple. I've been trying to get income assistance for a year now and it's gotten absolutely no where. Think about that little baby, such a beautiful and precious thing. You want him/her to be in a stable home. So you really think you'll be stable? Doubt it, you'll most likely end up moving from one place to another, he/she will constantly have to be in daycare so you can either go to school or work to provide for the both of you. You don't even know the daycare people, there actually are some abusive and not so great daycares out there that really are not trustworthy. Daycare itself can cost around $500 per month, most likely more. Then there's rent, food, diapers (diapers are insanely expensive. Usually around $40 per box), if you're not breastfeeding baby formula is about $30 per can and a lot of babies can go through one can per week. That's just a couple things, there's so many other costs that I'm just not going to begin naming off. Just trying to support yourself at a young age is very difficult, let alone supporting yourself as a young adult plus a little baby. That baby is small, he/she can not provide for their own needs. They are COMPLETELY dependent on you. Things so not always go as you expect, things get messed up, crazy things happen. At such a young age, I honestly believe that no one is ready to be a mother. There is your whole life ahead of you to do other things as have kids, why now? Now you need to focus on other things like getting your life moving. Why would you want to put yourself through something that would cause you to struggle for the rest of your life? Think about all that before trying to get pregnant. I do understand that there are so many accidental pregnancies, like mine of course. But once again that goes to show how things never seem to go as planned. As for the girls like me who had an accidental pregnancy and stuck it through, congrats. Yes it is very difficult, but with the right support it is possible so don't give up. And no, for the ones who want to get pregnant, that is not saying “it's possible, so go get pregnant”. It is HARD FREAKING WORK. Okay? I think I got my point across so far. Take it from someone who knows and has been there. As for me, I have chosen to do an open adoption because I know I am not at all ready to be a mother. As well as my life has been so insane and unstable, it would not be fair at all to bring a baby into my situation. She deserves so much better, she deserves to be in a stable home and have a good stable life. The father is still very involved, he is still with me. I know I have been so blessed with him and by him. He is so amazing to me, and I could not thank God more for putting him in my life. I have never felt as loved by anyone as I do by him. It is so rare for a 17 year old guy to stick around, and I am sure that he wanted at some point to run when he found out about this pregnancy. He is such an amazing person though, and I do trust that he won't leave me. He's been the only one to stick with me through everything in my life, I've known him since I was 3 years old, we actually grew up in Sunday school together. Point is, I couldn't be more blessed by such an amazing man. Without him, there's no way I would have made it this far. I would have given up a couple months ago. And by given up, I mean on life in general. Gone. Any ways, moving on again!

A note to the mothers, family, friends of a young woman (or any woman really) who is pregnant or in need:

Don't give up on them. That is the worst possible thing you could do. She will need your support every step of the way. If you give up on her or “lose” contact with her over time, I can pretty much promise that she will either hate you, or struggle a lot with being very bitter towards you. Yes, I am talking from experience. As to Christian mums, you can talk all you want about purity and abstinence, but ultimately it will be her own choice. If she makes a decision you don't like, be a proper mother and for goodness sakes support her in any way you can!!! Same goes for the friends and other family members! Do you REALLY think it's going to help anything if you just drop her in her time of need? How is she going to feel if you give up just because she strayed away from the beliefs you want her to have. Guess what? She's her own person, you can't control her, so stop trying to and stop expecting her to do everything the way you want her to do it. If she doesn't do things your way, get over it and accept her as she is. A woman in need, needs a lot of support. A pregnant woman in need, needs even more support. If people start leaving her life because she made choices that they didn't like, that's going to throw her into a depression and she will pretty much hate you for the rest of her life. I think. Or be bitter, I don't hate. I'm just quite bitter, try very hard not to be, but I struggle a lot with it. A motherly figure is very important when a girl is going through a rough time, and a real mother will not abandon her girl. I am saying this for a reason, and once again because it does connect to me. I'm going to be completely honestly about all of this because I have been insanely hurt in the past while and really just need to get it all out. When I left home, so many people just dropped me like a dirty penny. Thinking back, it's been so long that I couldn't even remember to tell you the exact reasons why I left and how everything happened. Can't remember, I know I made a lot of very dumb mistake and did lots of dumb things, but I've forgiven myself and let go of all that a long time ago. I don't let people bring it up with me any more, it's just something I'm not willing to discuss. As to the people I hurt, I understand I hurt you. But I also apologized sincerely. Whether you believe it was sincere or not, I really don't care any more. I'm not going to continue living like I'm walking on egg shells around you just because you don't trust an apology or don't think I really want to work things out. Yeah, I used to struggle with lying and sneaking around. But that's far in the past, I couldn't be more open than I am now. I couldn't care less to lie to anyone about anything. The reason I say this publicly is because I feel it needs to be said. I need people to realize that I have tried to change things, it is not at all my fault if the people will not accept it. As for all of this, I am talking about Diane (my adoptive mum, no I do not call her my mom any longer nor do I plan on starting again). As well as my adoptive family and my old friends. I know I did wrong things, but that doesn't mean everyone needs to just drop me and refuse to forgive me. You drop me because I didn't live up to your idea of Christian beliefs, but where in the bible does it tell you to abandon someone when they're struggling? Even if you think I'm some bad person, guess what? The Lord ate his dinner with the adulterers and the tax collectors, not the people who were already doing well. I think I'm going to end on that note. I'm pretty sure I got all the points across that I was trying to. If I was even trying to get points across. To be honest, I don't even know if I was. I am so tired right now and just had way too much going through my mind. I needed to get it out somehow, and remembered that I have this blog. I should have been sleeping about 5-6 hours ago. If you managed to read and follow all of this, thank you so much I promise I really do appreciate it. If not, I really don't blame you one bit. I filled up just over 2 pages on my document. Please leave a comment telling me what you think of all this. If you think I got a little too personal and harsh at some points... That's okay. I'm pretty sure I did, and I'm pretty sure I'll realize that tomorrow when I'm more awake. Unfortunately, I do not plan on changing it, sorry! Any ways, good night everyone. Thank you for listening/reading my insane rants about things.

Keep your head up and trust God!

Judging

Ok, so something that's been bothering me a lot lately is how everyone judges each other. After going to school with other teens and now having more people around me my age, it drives me insane how much they judge each other, when they all seem to have the same kind of problems! It's mainly on "Practical" things that they judge (as they say), like behaviour. It's not practical to judge. At all, on any thing. Something really good my Mom taught me, is that there is a heart issue behind everything. No one does something for absolutely no reason. Something that bothers me is if there is a teenage girl who says "I'm ugly" or "I'm fat" everyone jumps and calls her an 'attention whore'. Well maybe that girl actually does believe that about herself, maybe she actually IS looking for attention from someone. If she is, what's wrong with that? Everyone wants attention in some way or another. Maybe that girl doesn't get the attention she needs from home or from the ones she loves, that would explain why she's looking for attention from others. To put her down for it rather than lift her up in a loving way, it's just ridiculous. An even bigger one, if a girl dresses immodestly and tends to be flirty and maybe even sleeps around with a few different guys. Everyone jumps to what they see, and they call her a slut. Well it may look like this on the outside, but I can bet you anything that she is probably hurting and confused. Maybe she's going through a tough time in her life and just doesn't know how else to deal with it. Maybe she seems to have a good life and things are going well, there's always the fact that she may not get the attention she needs at home. A father is a VERY important figure in a girl's life, if she has a good relationship with her Dad, and gets the love she truly needs, then she is most likely not going to be doing that. If someone is constantly going out, getting drunk, doing all these drugs, who's to judge him/her? They also are probably going through many struggles in their life and just don't know how to deal with it. Now, I am not justifying any of these type of actions, everyone is responsible for their own actions though. They probably already know what their issues are, they don't need you pointing it out for them. If their really doing something that's going to mess up their life, they need support. They don't need people judging them, because in the end, their probably going to feel bad enough for their actions. All I'm trying to say is that you don't need to go around judging others. Instead, focus on your own problems and try to be supportive and loving instead. I can promise that love and support will get you much farther than being judgemental.

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37 (NIV)

Student/Professor Argument

Hey guys! Haven't been writing for a while, good reasoning too- I've been insanely busy with... Insane stuff. But I randomly came across this on the Internet and thought it was neat so I figured I would post it. Heck, even if it wasn't a real argument it still has some great points and it very worth reading. Enjoy! :)

 

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theatre became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

A Couple Thoughts

I haven't done my devotions yet tonight, plan on doing them right after this. So I don't really have any bible verses to base this one although I'm sure it'd only take me a couple minutes to find some. No, this time I was sitting here enjoying some great music and praising God. Whenever I listen to Christian music I really like to focus on the lyrics, you can learn so much from song lyrics and they can be just as inspiring as the word is. A couple of the songs made me think back on the post I had written a couple days ago on God's love for us. It also made me think that it's so important that we don't just keep that wonderful love to ourselves. God's love must be shared! I was listening to Brandon Heath- Give me your eyes-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5AkNqLuVgY&ob=av2e
Love that song. I want that, I want the Lord to give me his eyes so I can truly see what is going on around me and show unconditional love and share the word of God with them. I so badly want to go into mission work, I don't know how I'll get there but I know it starts with where I am right here and now. Mission work isn't just going out to Asia, China, or some place like that. Mission work can be done anywhere, including right here in Calgary, Alberta. There are so many people here that need to know God. I always hear people talking about how their so excited for the Lord to come back, well as excited as I am also to spend eternity with him.. I'm not ready for him to come back, it makes me sad to think that I'd be going to heaven because I'm saved but there are so many that ended up going to hell. Everyone has a chance to learn about God and know him, and some people will get that chance through you if you can get up the courage to talk with them. I guess it bugs me that there are Christians all over the place being slaughtered for their faith in the Lord meanwhile I'm sitting here in a comfy bed blogging about my faith. I shouldn't just be writing, I need to be living it also. I guess I just don't really know where to start, as well as I am quite nervous to talk to people about such a huge thing. I guess that's where trusting God comes in, can't remember what verse it is or where it is in the bible, forgive me for misquotation as I don't know the exact words but it talks about how we should not be troubled when talking to people about the Lord, because at the right time he will give us the words to say, he will be speaking to them through us! I'd love to be used by the Lord in that way! What better way to be used than to have the Lord speaking to people through us and bringing them to know his amazing and powerful love? I don't know what else to say, I guess that's it really. I just think it's so important not only to have God's love and have your faith in God, but also to go out and share it! After all, that is why we're here! Another great song is Flyleaf- Cassie (Acoustic version)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-EBHBZJAmw&NR=1&feature=fvwp
"Don't be shocked that people die, be surprised you're still alive." Such a powerful line, but I need to go do my devotions now so I can head to bed, leave a comment and tell me what you think on that line and this post! Continue keeping your relationships with God real and share it with others also.

Another post on Faith and Trust

Been reading a lot on things to do with faith and trust in God lately. I started off reading in Ephesians where it was simply talking about how great God's love for us is and it made me think of how much God really does deserve our praise and faith in Him. Then I started reading in James, because I love that book. James 1:6 says-

"But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." (NIV)

I've always had this verse memorised, and like I said in my last post I don't know why because I never really knew the meaning of it till recently. Now I can read it and the meaning is so clear- God wants us to trust him. If you are struggling with something in life and ask for God's help, but don't really believe he's going to help or that he is able. I'm sorry but nothing is going to change, if you want that problem to change then you need to learn to trust God and have faith in him. I don't know why cause it doesn't really connect with this verse so great but on the topic of faith in my head I thought of Job. So I started reading there where I have another two favourite verses.

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised"
Job 1:21 (NIV)

"Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Job 2:10 (NIV)

I've actually always found these verses funny. Not in a bad way of course, but just thinking that it's so true! We are always so quick and happy to accept anything good given to us from God as a blessing, but as soon as we're given a hardship we whine, complain, tell God that our life isn't fair, and just kind of lose our faith and trust in Him. Reminds me of the Israelites and when they were in the desert. They were very glad to praise God when they were delivered from Egypt, but as soon as God tested their faith along came the complaints. They lost their faith. Don't let hardships in life cause you to lose faith, because faith is extremely powerful.

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith, and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to the mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done." Matthew 21:21 (NIV)

Now, I really hate to break it to you, but that mountain over there isn't going to throw itself into the ocean for you unless you have some sort of secret power us regular humans don't know about. But, this verse really is a great example at just how powerful your faith in God can be. If you truly trust God, then he can do some very amazing miracles in your life.

Prayer in Faith

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.  James 1:6 (NKJV)

That's always been one of my favourite verses. I honestly have no clue why though, because I never really knew the true meaning to it. I always told myself that someday I would learn the meaning to it. Well lately, God has been teaching me the meaning. I've always had pride issues; I hate asking for things, and when I do I never believe I'll actually get it. Even if it's something I actually need. Whenever I prayed to God I never really trusted that he would pull through and help or do what I was praying for. Something I've realised lately, that the only way it works is if you actually pray in faith that He is truly able. I would pray that I could find a good job and home, but I didn't think it was possible so I didn't trust the Lord would pull through and help. So after that eventually he would put me in a situation where I would be absolutely desperate for help, so I'd be forced to give a thoughtful and good prayer and had no choice but to trust Him. When I started trusting I got a job, and a home. Now that job didn't last, I wasn't meant to be there. I got a job the next day... and also got laid off right away but they didn't tell me they didn't need me till I had already quit my other job. So right now I am unemployed, but I've started praying again. This time I know God will help me, he never lets me down when I am in need. Today I got some calls and have set up 2 interviews for next week as well as I may be getting an apprenticeship in construction/framing. I was down to my last penny, and needed money for rent, food, and a bus pas so I could continue looking for a job. I was so scared but I stopped and prayed, trusting God would help. Then before any other thoughts could creep in, I went to bed. The next morning (this morning) I had a large of money given to me. Praise the Lord for he is good. I guess all I'm trying to say is don't take God for granted. Don't ask for things out of selfishness because he will not answer to that, neither will he answer if you are not truly trusting and having faith in Him. He loves us and wants us to trust him, and he can do some very amazing and wonderful things if you do.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5,6 (NIV)

I'm back / God's Love

Well, It's been a really.. REALLY long time wince I wrote in here. I'll tell you, an insane amount of things have happened since I last wrote, and none of it was good. Now I'm not going to do some huge "preaching" or anything today. I just kind of want to update something on here. It's been a while since I was in the word of God. But lately, things have honestly been miserable. To make it short for that story, I did something really stupid and got myself kicked out of my home. This is the second time in the past couple months, and this time I don't plan on going back. I've been jumping from house to house with friend's aunt's, my Grandma's friends from years back. Well, I'll just say there's flaws everywhere you go. But because of getting kicked out and passed around like a volley ball lately, I guess I'm starting to feel worthless... Unloved, unwanted, and like a burden to everyone around me. Struggling with some major depression issues. Now, right now I'm kind of praying that no one I know well reads this because I hate admitting stuff like that. only reason I am is cause I know for a fact that I am not the only person who struggles with these feelings, and I want to give some hope. I've been stubborn to ask anyone for help, at all. The past while I have been hearing God tell me to come bring my troubles, hurting, and burdens to him. Well I didn't want to, I figured I'm already burdening enough people here. But this morning I finally listened, and was brought to tears. Because I was reminded of God's love for us. He loves us, more than anyone on this planet ever could. He would never abandon us, or turn away. We are the ones that abandon and turn away from him. But his love... His love is sooo great that he sees us as completely pure in his sight, even through all our sins. God looks at the heart, therefore he sees what is truly in our heart. This morning I was reading in Ephesians. And it talks about how special we are to him. And right now, in this time of my life to be reminded that there is someone who really truly does love me, no matter what I do, completely unconditionally.. Really means a lot. It saves me from those evil thoughts from Satan. Something I want everyone reading this to remember is that no matter what happens in life, no matter what you do or where you are. You are really truly loved, completely and unconditionally. He is watching out for you. 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ, For he chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will- to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:3-8